As mentioned in the previous post, I have been suffering from anxiety for quite some time now. It came to be one morning after a call with a friend. First there were continual sobs, then an agonizing pain that inevitably led to cries, and then shaking, breathlessness, and the urgent need to escape as my body felt it wasn’t under my control anymore. I was crying but had no control, I felt numb. I felt like I was dying. Things flashed in front of my eyes, all things that I did and did not do mixed with a cascade of fears overpowered my senses. It was bad. I promised myself that I would not let it happen again, and I kept the promise, until the next morning.
It happened again, and again, and again. I do not know for sure if these are panic attacks. I do not know for sure if it is anxiety I suffer from. But after trying my best to convince my family that I think I need medical help, I have given up because they think that I am just naive. If it is anxiety it seems to be Genralized Anxiety Disorder to me. Here is a list of the things I am trying to keep anxiety at a managable level:
- Worry Diary: I have started keeping a ‘worry diary’ but I sadly do not record my worries enough in it. I need to maintain a schedule. Click here to see the format that I am currently using. CBT or cognitive behavioural therapy includes using a worry diary (as far as I could understand) and even if I do not use it enough, it has helped me.
- Journal/Planner: Having a plan has always helped me tackle my days more effeciently, and currently I feel like I need a planner (and to stick to the plan more than ever). I am starting to make plans before I sleep, but I usually have these ‘anxiety explosions’ in the morning so it has been difficult to stick by them.
- A Morning Routine: Still working on it. Will update the post as soon as I find a good one.
- Reading: I used to be an avid reader before I hopped on the lets-make-more-money-by-working-as-hard-as-I-humanly-can wagon. I am slowly trying to pick up the habit again.
- Alone Time: Anxiety makes me want to surround myself with people, I think it has always had. When alone I feel like the walls will close on me, I start feeling suffocated. But I realize that keeping/ wanting people with me all the time is the best way to ruin relationships. So I have started to spend some time time alone, other than when I am working too, as a way to like my own company again.
I believe in the end it is all about loving yourself and feeling good. It is hard in the state I am currently in, but what other options do I have?