I messed up. (and another update)

I did not work on my “book” for a long time, actually, I just finished it a week ago. It’s still not out there, and I have no expectations from it. Also, I messed up big time, in work and in life. I no longer have the jobs I had (there were three), presently I just have one, which doesn’t pay me enough and the work is less. (I quit a week ago when I had my first anxiety attack in months.) I thought I was dying and that I needed to escape, this was the only form my escape could take.

I read the previous posts before writing this, they suck. The only reason I am not deleting them is to remind myself of the masks I will no longer wear. The optimism and the go-getter attitude were a little too fake, and perhaps not relatable at all. At least not to me.

I still have the same goal in mind though it has already been 4 months since I first thought of it. I regret not being fast enough about it. But now the problem is, I have to be. A number of things are associated with me working for myself. I have asked a three month time period from my father to let me work on this, that’s why I supposedly left the two jobs. Right now I have no other option than to publish the books and keep working.

I am tired of losing to anxiety and procrastination, and now, I can’t afford to.

Will update when the book is out, but unfortunately, cannot link to it as I am publishing under a pen name.

I only have until August. I pray this works out well. clock-384646_1920


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